still excited.. day one

lol.. ok ok.. i wont blog counting the days ive been on T... i swear.

yesterday was extra crazy. got to T's job .... *stops to think* "how does one differentiate the s/o from the hormone..." ... got to Tee's job after work, everythings ok. we get to the mouth of the driveway about to turn out into the street and *rumble rumble put* .. car cuts off. we spend the next couple hours trying to jump start the car and waiting for my dad to come clear across town to help out. turns out the bolt on the bottom of the alternator came almost all the way out...no tension in the alternator belt is just as good as no alternator at all. over the course of the evening my dad pretty much starts having a "reaction" (he's an insulin dependent diabetic) on about three separate occasions (how the h*ll was i supposed to know he needed more carbs than what we gave him as dinner?!). im not bitter...ok, maybe a little. anyway..we got the car fixed around 2:30a.

heres the kicker...the whole night, i didnt freak out. usually my dad acting the way he does when he has a "reaction" really really gets to me..but last night i worked through the whole night a-ok. no over-reacting, no crying, no yelling. stellar, eh? and yes, my dads just fine. probably about as sleep deprived as myself..but just fine. i dont know if he remembers but i asked him last night if i got a big house if he would come live with me.. he said 'yes'.. that gave me a little hope. it means that he still cares a little about himself (sorry..loooong story there). i also told him that i went to the doctor and started hormone therapy that day. much like himself he didnt respond directly to that. i let him have that one.

i did having a lot of .. chest itching last night. now that i think about it.. this may have been caused by a combination of how hot it was out - my binding - and all the laying on the ground required to help my dad with the alternator issue. of course i cannot discount the fairly high amount of "foreign" hormone in my body.. (i personally dont think its foreign, i think its supposed to be there..but i think you know what i mean.) so i include that detail here just in case i forget to tell a doctor or something.. or if it gets worse. really i think i just got bit by something.. i was laying on the concrete all-in-all for at least half an hour last night.

anway...i still feel kinda "on top of the world" a bit. almost anxious..but not in a bad or alarming kind of way. arg.. im pretty bad at expressing "new" emotions so youll have to bear with me as i figure this stuff out some more along the way. all-in-all i feel good. and comfortable. slightly itchy on the left side of my chest, but not too horribly irritatingly so.

that was waay too long of a post for a guy at work...

lates.

Raymond