ive been thinking about it lately and there really is no amount of psychotherapy that can adequately prepare you for the changes you undergo during sex reassignment. i cognitively understand the changes that will happen... the redistribution of body fat, the thickening of the blood, the growth of the clitoris, the toughening of the skin, the increase in muscle building ability, the deepening of the voice.. i am actually looking forward to them all. i am a man and i should look/feel like a man. i get it in my head. the simple fact that it is not yet my reality still keeps me far far away from the place where i can know what im going to feel or what any of it is going to feel like. am i ready for a big change in everything? i am. but i cant quite wrap my head around what is going to change emotionally and how my experience of life is going to change. i know for a fact that it will be very different - even from what life is like as i do my best to live life as i know it currently as a male.
its kinda silly where i am right now. ok, i know ive only had one shot, but i find myself trying to figure out whats different and wondering if i should even notice if anything is different. truth be told i think i started a cycle today (one day early funny enough) but its really light, ive had no cramps today, and my mood hasnt been horrible. granted some of this could be attributed to the excellent mood ive been in from the mere fact that ive started hormone therapy... *sigh* like i said..i just dont know.
the ministry that id been mentioning? the website is up. im way excited.
http://www.theshepherdstablechurch.org
its going to be amazing amazing stuff. and every time i think about it i am reminded of how much work i have to do for it... but thinking about it doesnt stress me out. i like that. i just know i got to get to work. thats different for me...and i like it. i like it a lot.
Raymond
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