a metaphor

you want to build a house. you search and search looking at all the different houses there are. looking in the hills, through the valleys, on top of mountains, on rocky cliffs near the ocean.. you look and one day riding through the very suburbs you grew up in - you find it. the model house. and you take a good look.. its been sitting here for a good fifteen years...holding up well through storms, occasional snow (even in atlanta), tornadoes, falling trees have missed it by inches, lightening may even have hit it once, but its still standing with no apparent problems on the outside. so you take it - its building plan - and you start to build your house just like your model. except one day someone tells you that your model house is scheduled to be torn down. that its coming down within the year. that it just isnt holding up the way it should and has to come down. that feeling right there? the mixture of disappointment, defeat, fear... all of it.. is how i feel.

ive been in the bed all day long - sleeping. under the weather really...being force-fed theraflu warming every four hours on the dot. im better some for it i think.. but i did realize on the last dose that the unusual/unwanted taste that made my skin crawl every dose.. that i couldnt quite put my finger on before.. is alcohol. not uncommon in cough/cold syrup.. just not my cup of tea - for various reasons...mainly "alcohol is a drug." im cool cause i was taking it as directed but ill suffer.. i dont want anymore of the stuff.

other than the feeling described in that first paragraph, ive been well. nervous at work, but thats starting to pass. its not my job anyway, its the job God gave me and if wants it back He will surely have it back. the same goes for everything else in my life.. i just gotta get over it.. lol.

i want to actually be able to go to work tomorrow.. so ill be getting back in bed soon...