going..just keep going

ive been on T for four months now. things are going Great. i feel great, i like the way i look, the way things are changing. i wonder where my appearance will end up - if im changing as much on the inside as i am on the outside - if ill ever feel comfortable talking to someone who doesnt get it...

went to the area meeting yesterday. it was fine.. loud and confrontational as normal. afterward i ran into a guy that met me when i looked very different, but a couple months ago i told him about transitioning. the same dude that invited me to sunday football at his house sometime. he asked how things were going with my family and how they were reacting. i told him that there were a few issues, but everyone is ok and they all love me anyway. thinking i could talk to him i mentioned coming out at work and it was like running into a brick wall at 85 miles an hour. he goes into how people at his job are gay or lesbian and they act however flaming or not at work and its ok, but that they dont have to necessarily come out. i tried to explain to him that its not the same thing. he seemed to be of the opinion of 'why cause yourself unnecessary stress at work coming out? youre messing with your livelihood.'
this conversation ended up throwing me into a bit of a funk. ive been fighting it but he kinda got to me. i dont want to risk my job and i dont want to make things hard on me at work, but i do want to be respected. yes - i want to use the mens restroom. yes - i want people to call me sir instead of ma'am, lady, miss, blah blah blah.. especially when i dont LOOK like a nice young lady!!! *sigh* he even brought up the whole "whats your legal name?" bit.. i knew he hit a button with that one. i didnt react or anything, but simply told him that no one at works calls me that and few people at work know that name. ...still..

ch-ch-ch..changes - lol:
- ive got hair growing in rather nicely on my upper thighs, like its spreading from my pubes.. its very straight and i love it. its the same kinda new hair ive got on my lower legs, long and straight.
-my voice dropped a touch again i think. ive been feeling it a lot the past day or so in my chest
-little ray has been extra sesitive lately and i think its cause hes grown enough to poke out a bit. so i get a little d-ck reminder (pun intended) every now and then throughout my day ..lol.
-my mustache is "sexy" ..or at least this is what i hear. its not full grown or nothin, but it is what it is. it did get to the point where i thought i should shave though.. so i got rid of him last night.. but he'll be back.. and with a vengence im sure.. lol
-Tee says my shoulders are broader.. wait.. my homeboy S said the same thing.. huh..must be true. h-ll if they get any broader ill pass for a f-ckin linebacker no problem! lol

when things are good theyre really really good. i like good. will get photos and a vid (youtube) up soon. might even post a couple photos from the amazing-day-long-date me and Tee had on saturday.. man oh man.. *big smile*

Ray