its been a minute

ive started my new job and i love it. im a HUGE dork and i know it..but i work with about 20 other HUGE dorks, so its ok. ive completed my first work order and accompanying paperwork as of today.. so that's really cool.

not a whole lot more than that going on. ive been busy lately and making a lot of meetings - which is good cause it helps. im trying not to obsess too much over stuff. been reading Testosterone Files which is a GREAT read and makes me feel not-so-insane. it does however get me anxious about starting T and the accompanying changes. and then theres the whole coming out at work thing. i got some great advice about that recently though. to not worry about it too much, and let the flesh take care of itself. here here! we shall see how well i can do that. and i will be SURE to let you know how that all works out.

i am half tempted to just set up a meeting with my manager..lay it all out there and ask him if its all ok or if i should start looking for a new job now.. so when the changes start to occur in a few months i can be ready. lol. i am advised against this at all cost.. i know. well.. its where my head is though, ya know? i just dont want to ruin a good thing before its even gotten a chance to get really good. its the IT world though.. the people around here are pretty low-key conservative..acting at least, and just kind cool guys. i really dont think itll be a big issue in-office. i just... and overanalyzing and should stop..i know.

anyway.. there will be a meeting concerning ministry stuff soon. and this is another reason im so excited about T.. i KNOW that i will be able to move into my "place" in ministry when i start to feel even BETTER on the inside... and when i gain my voice. thats a big issue for me - the way that i sound to others.. its completely different from the way i think i sound which is also different from the way i think i should sound. this alone is a reason to push forward with hormones and just let the chips fall where they may with coming out at work and wherever else ive forgotten to come out at. and as soon as i look male enough... haha..whatever that is.. ill change my name. and be halfway to a different kind of freedom. i love it.

excited about the changes

Ray