it...gets worse

so.. i guess i just didnt know what the guy meant when he said that it gets worse..but yes. yes it does get worse. like.. i had started to be able to distract myself a little bit from the urge. yeah.. not anymore. its worse than say...last week. like it strikes faster and harder...lol.. ... ... yeah.

shot 9 on friday..went.. well.. Tee was there so i asked her to give me the shot.. shes all "sure ill poke you in the @ss, anytime babe" *snicker* im all "ill remember that." i lay down (usually when she does it im standing) and i hear "ready? ...um, theres blood..what do i do?" that explained the pain... i had just been thinking.. "its never hurt like that before" ..guess that makes sense. oh..yeah.. i threw the T out.. addict that i am i really didnt want to.. but there was blood in it so... *sigh* these things happen. she had to go to work by then so i injected in the leg and went about my business...no pain, not even the next day.. i did end up with a bump there though...like my muscle was mad i stabbed him. i would be too..so i can relate. ha!

other than the urge to wake my sleeping girlfriend to give me blow jobs so i can get to sleep.. im fine. still trying to deal with my feelings. im volatile. not that ill explode, but the mood will certainly change.

the ministry is getting off its feet. we have our first worship encounter this sunday. 139 ralph mcgill blvd. its 9am this sunday, but coming sundays we will worship at 11am. its going to be.. amazing. weve been having prayer and study on wednesdays for a few weeks now and even that has gone extremely well. im excited. nervous..but more excited. geez.. we better get an announcement out and online huh?

i talked to my sponsor on the phone this weekend.. that was great. and i also did some writing on my step 1. i gotta do better with the writing.. so i can stop being so d*mn crazy. lol.

we painted the kid's room in the house we are renting. im so ready to move its not even funny. but we're doing that this weekend.. so ill be fine. pissed that aarons can only move our stuff on wednesday..but really glad to be moving out of the infestation that is our current apartment. the bugs right now? really a problem..like for serious.

hahaha! oh! so on saturday - National Coming Out Day - i sent out a text message that read something to the effect of "Its National Coming Out Day. Im a transsexual and transitioning to be male. Peep the blog: http://rayunbound.blogspot.com. Love, Ray" LOL.. i was entertained. i didnt receive as many responses as i wouldve liked, but i got one the same day and two the following day. no family that i sent it to replied. ...part of me just got fed up with the i have to come out to every crap feeling.. and another part of me frankly doesnt give a d-mn anymore and just wants everyone to know so life can resume..or begin really.

ok.. so i started this post on monday and didnt finish til tuesday so im going to go ahead and put it up. i think ive mentioned enough here. lol

no apparent changes other than the extreme...urge. for lack of a better way to put it.

lates.

Raymond