the relationship front & more

its a strange place to be in..where i am right now. not exactly between a rock and a hard place or anything like that... between a cloud and a couch cushion is more like it.
T got up some nerve and talked to me, actually talked to me. told me about how she misses *birthname* and about how she never got to say goodbye. that stung quite a bit. but got me thinking.. i never really got to say goodbye either. we were one, me and her, for a good long while. these days im not sure how long.. i cant tell when it was that i realized that i was her. nor do i know exactly when it was that i became me again. it all just kinda happened. so here we are. and theres this ever-present uncertainty of whether my lesbian identified partner can/will stay with me after everyone including herself recognizes me as a man. there will come a fateful day when she will wake up and there wont be a cute, androgynous-looking person lying beside her, but someone that can only be taken for an -again- cute, young man.
she told me that she didnt know anymore if we were going to be together forever - and that she was ok with that. it took a while to get to that point of course..but she got there. and it took me a while to get to this point, but im ok with that now too. there were quite a few awkward days in between, but what do you expect?! and.. that doesnt exactly leave us anywhere while at the same time putting us right where we belong.
there comes a time in your life where you have to stop living for the what ifs and the i wishes and start living for the right heres and right nows. and this is what we've had to do. it was kinda forced on us a little, but we doin alright with it right now. and it works. if after transition is complete (whatever that looks/feels like) and we want to marry each other then so be it. right now ive got an amazing significant other (s/o) that loves and cares about me and stands beside and behind me with my transition. i couldnt ask for more, really. shes absolutely wonderful and i love her. (lol wonder if shes reading this...) AND ive got a daughter that loves me no matter WHAT i do. love is certainly an amazing thing. im glad to be a part of it.

not that That was extra heavy or anything, but on a lighter note..

a lady i met on the forum i frequent - and help moderate (there's a link to the left *shameless plug*) - is giving away all the boxing equipment she isnt going to use anymore and shes gonna give it all to me?! im SO excited. ive been wanting to get back into it, but it kind of an expensive hobby to pick up.. if youre going to have your own equipment and workout some at your house. so.. not too long after my birthday i will be the proud owner of 1 pair - 8oz professional gloves, 1 pair - 12 oz sparring gloves, 1 pair - 14 oz bag gloves, 1 - 150 lb weight bag w/ rack, 1 - speed bag w/ rack, 1 - double end bag w/ rack, as well as boxing books/videos/etc. Yeeeees! Exactly what I need. now i can just go do a couple rounds on the bag when im feelin.. iffy or upset. good stuff.

stoked!

Ray