Men Get Antsy Too

lately ive been feeling kinda weird. moody i guess you could call it. im not an extrovert by any stretch of the imagination, but ive been caving in on myself lately. and now that ive started writing about it, im not exactly sure how to explain it. i suppose sometimes i wanna just hang a "its a boy" sign outside my window and invite everyone over to see it so i dont have to go through the conversation so many times. other times i just dont give a hoot cause really if the people i love are gonna leave just cause i want to be happen then *throws up peace sign*.

things havent been nearly as rough or traumatic on the outside than on the inside though, so here are a few really cool things thats happened lately.
:) - i called my dad and asked him if i could borrow a black tie for a church event - he said 'yeah, when you comin over?'
:) - a week or so later while my dad and i were getting parts to change the brakes on my car, i asked him what he thought about me changing my name to Raymond, even though my nephew, him, and his father all have that name - he said 'they can call you Ray'
:) - i told my dad about wanting to start hormone therapy and he actually asked me what that would do, then went on to talk about the pump therapy (he's a diabetic) he's been trying out

ok.. you probably wont understand why these little things make me so happy without understanding a little about my dad. he's a bit of an introvert as well. sarcastic, straight-forward, quiet guy - doesnt talk about much and when he does he says very little. so.. you can see how these tiny conversations and happenings have me ECSTATIC! that and..i LOVE my dad.. was named after him.. and take after him in a lot of ways.

but wait..there's more
:) - security officer at Auto Zone called me sir/gentleman about four times.. then after talking to him for a few minutes before he left he called me ma'am (darn voice). still made me feel good though. *smile*
:) - in my Self-Empowerment class at church my Elder actually got my pronoun right - cool points for him eh? only cause he missed the week before ;)

i think now that ive talked to my fiancee about it and ive mentioned it to my dad, im ready to actually start hormone therapy. there isnt a doubt in my mind that i want to do it, just kind of a constant state of when going on. i suppose this is where the antsy comes from. i kinda wish it would go away, but at the same time feeling this way helps me know im definitely doing the right thing. how dare i change everything about my life and NOT be excited about it, right?

Ray