so now i can be a dude everywhere that i go. even work.. i like that.
id went to LA last week. Tee bought me a ticket last month. it was WONDERFUL. i saw my Danny. oh how i missed him. lol funny thing.. ive got more of a mustache than he does. lol as a fairly yellow black man though.. its just easier to see on me. i also got to see all my friends from college...that was pretty cool. took a cake at late nite and at the catch on sunday... gave my homegirl a cake on saturday at a womens meeting. a few of the ladies there were confused as to why i didnt take a cake. i took the opportunity at sizzler afterward to hip them to the game.. why, if i want to be accepted as a man, would i take a cake at a womens stag (meeting)? ...right. lol
changes:
:) little dude rises and swells when er uuh.. hes happy. lol interesting...and i LOVE it.
:) i still have one lone, long chest hair.. but he is now accompanied by other shorter chest hairs
:) my leg hair has a good length on it. its not completely full, but its getting there. im actually surprised, but i like the way it feels when i lay down in bed. (this is completely strange cause i hate the feeling of their being something - like crumbs or small objects - in my bed.)
:) my voice is amazing - ill try to make a video today.
:) ive got chin hair. it actually stretches across my chin to the sides too. and tiny sideburns. its all very short hair.. but i dont have to shave for work anymore so we get to see that all grow out now. *big smile*
:) though there was a little time in there where i wasnt as horny.. its come back again and im like a 14 year old boy. its all good though.. weve been working that out at the house. ;)
i think maybe ive covered it all...
Raymond III
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
out at work
as of yesterday 3/25/09 i am officially completely irrevocably OUT at work.
*confetti and balloons fall from the top of my skull throughout my body*
that was certainly fast. after the whole talk with my personal HR representative (i only call her that cause i like her so much..lol) there was about a one month delay of nothingness. i wasnt worried per se.. i was sure we would get down to business at some point. on 3/11 i was given a deadline by which time i was supposed to have talked to my manager. despite what i was thinking i talked to him that day. took a trip to california 3/19 - 3/23 and returned to work with a policy change plan and an immediate request for a meeting with HR. my rep was like.. essentially we want to get all of this done by the end of the week. this was tuesday. uum.. ok, sure.
i met with my rep and the VP of HR. i reviewed the company-wide email that was to be sent out and the new Non-Discrimination policy which now included Gender Identity...sweet. it included workplace expectations on pronoun usage (male pronouns effective immediately), restroom usage (use of male restrooms effective immediately), and rights to privacy (dont think you can ask me all types of stupid weird shit cause im the only tran person you know - you might be fired). we even talked about health care as they want to be able to provide wellness for me and keep me employeed while i leave for surgery(ies?). amazingness. (i know its not a word..lol).
my Executive VP wanted to deliver the news to my team personally as an expression of his support.. (would make me teary-eyed if i could squeeze more than a mini-tear out these days). i got a call tuesday afternoon that my EVP wouldnt be available thursday or friday so that the meeting would be the next day (wednesday). ooh! lol ok.
nervous and a bit scared i spent a LOT of time in my HR ladys office yesterday. had a bit of a time concentrating on work too. it turned out ok in the end.. a couple of people at work came to me to express their support...one guy even congratulated me. :) good stuff. all good stuff.
i can tell who is uncomfortable about it.. and i expected it. /shrug. such is life. i do good work.. and they have to work with me so... at some point theyll get over it.. or they wont and itll just suck for them. ;)
anyway.. feelin pretty good about that. i dont know that ill use the large mens room during busy times.. at least not until ive got a new/functioning stp but..i could if wanted. AND i dont have to shave anymore! im stoked. lol!
theres so much other stuff going on ..but nothing as exciting at this. :)
back soon...
Raymond
*confetti and balloons fall from the top of my skull throughout my body*
that was certainly fast. after the whole talk with my personal HR representative (i only call her that cause i like her so much..lol) there was about a one month delay of nothingness. i wasnt worried per se.. i was sure we would get down to business at some point. on 3/11 i was given a deadline by which time i was supposed to have talked to my manager. despite what i was thinking i talked to him that day. took a trip to california 3/19 - 3/23 and returned to work with a policy change plan and an immediate request for a meeting with HR. my rep was like.. essentially we want to get all of this done by the end of the week. this was tuesday. uum.. ok, sure.
i met with my rep and the VP of HR. i reviewed the company-wide email that was to be sent out and the new Non-Discrimination policy which now included Gender Identity...sweet. it included workplace expectations on pronoun usage (male pronouns effective immediately), restroom usage (use of male restrooms effective immediately), and rights to privacy (dont think you can ask me all types of stupid weird shit cause im the only tran person you know - you might be fired). we even talked about health care as they want to be able to provide wellness for me and keep me employeed while i leave for surgery(ies?). amazingness. (i know its not a word..lol).
my Executive VP wanted to deliver the news to my team personally as an expression of his support.. (would make me teary-eyed if i could squeeze more than a mini-tear out these days). i got a call tuesday afternoon that my EVP wouldnt be available thursday or friday so that the meeting would be the next day (wednesday). ooh! lol ok.
nervous and a bit scared i spent a LOT of time in my HR ladys office yesterday. had a bit of a time concentrating on work too. it turned out ok in the end.. a couple of people at work came to me to express their support...one guy even congratulated me. :) good stuff. all good stuff.
i can tell who is uncomfortable about it.. and i expected it. /shrug. such is life. i do good work.. and they have to work with me so... at some point theyll get over it.. or they wont and itll just suck for them. ;)
anyway.. feelin pretty good about that. i dont know that ill use the large mens room during busy times.. at least not until ive got a new/functioning stp but..i could if wanted. AND i dont have to shave anymore! im stoked. lol!
theres so much other stuff going on ..but nothing as exciting at this. :)
back soon...
Raymond
Thursday, March 12, 2009
deflated bitersweet joys
i had good news to share yesterday and the excitement kinda seeped out of me. despite still laying on the sidewalk airless ill divulge.
i talked to my immediate manager yesterday afternoon. told him that i ID'd as male and plan on transitioning etc. my suspicion that he already knew was confirmed. he did in fact notice the waitress in the restaurant address me as male and was only concerned at the reaction of the other two people at the table. that explains the look on his face. it wasnt confusion, it wasnt disdain, it was seeking.. but not in my direction. clearly we both knew the waitress knew what she was talking about. funny. i didnt bring up the bowling incident. he did mention however that he thought i ID'd as male my first day of work when i straighted out the whole name thing. whats pretty great about the meeting we had is that he actually addressed me as he after i told him, then was like.. 'well to not cause confusion for now we will say she' -- apparently, much like myself and my HR lady he's ready to move on with the process too. im amused... and a lot less worried than before - being that ive got that 200 lb weight off my neck.
i wonder how the feelings seep through the writing. is it the word choice.. the half elipses.. the knowing me in real life that does it? what is it about the way i write that gives it all away. h-ll what is it about the way i walk, talk, look, listen, feel that gives all my other secrets away for that matter. not that it concerns me.. giving these things away.. ive got to learn how to be an open book.. or something like that they say... but what is it.
being a recovering addict youd think id learn to not trust the first.. i dunno.. 16 thoughts that jump up in my mind to do. its clear however, that when youre not working a program it doesnt matter how often someone has told you 'your mind is for entertainment purposes only' youre still gonna do stupid isht... problem is.. when youre clean you have to live with the circumstances. and like a rowdy selfish child i want to be mad at the world cause i broke my toys.. 'too f-ckin bad' mom says. 'and im not buying you a new one either. deal.' and so i shall. just that these days theres really only so much dealing that can be done.
ive been taking suggestions.. 4 meetings/week.. letting people know im available as a sponsor.. journaling at night.. reading just 4 today in the morning.. and its going ok. just.. keep.. going. and apparently itll keep me sane.. or something like that they tell me. im sick. i know im sick.. at least im working on it. at least im willing to work on it.
...almost forgot.. ive got hair on me face! *stewie-griffin-callused-fingers-playing-banjo-style* ... ... and can only be so excited about it. ...damn.
Raymond
i talked to my immediate manager yesterday afternoon. told him that i ID'd as male and plan on transitioning etc. my suspicion that he already knew was confirmed. he did in fact notice the waitress in the restaurant address me as male and was only concerned at the reaction of the other two people at the table. that explains the look on his face. it wasnt confusion, it wasnt disdain, it was seeking.. but not in my direction. clearly we both knew the waitress knew what she was talking about. funny. i didnt bring up the bowling incident. he did mention however that he thought i ID'd as male my first day of work when i straighted out the whole name thing. whats pretty great about the meeting we had is that he actually addressed me as he after i told him, then was like.. 'well to not cause confusion for now we will say she' -- apparently, much like myself and my HR lady he's ready to move on with the process too. im amused... and a lot less worried than before - being that ive got that 200 lb weight off my neck.
i wonder how the feelings seep through the writing. is it the word choice.. the half elipses.. the knowing me in real life that does it? what is it about the way i write that gives it all away. h-ll what is it about the way i walk, talk, look, listen, feel that gives all my other secrets away for that matter. not that it concerns me.. giving these things away.. ive got to learn how to be an open book.. or something like that they say... but what is it.
being a recovering addict youd think id learn to not trust the first.. i dunno.. 16 thoughts that jump up in my mind to do. its clear however, that when youre not working a program it doesnt matter how often someone has told you 'your mind is for entertainment purposes only' youre still gonna do stupid isht... problem is.. when youre clean you have to live with the circumstances. and like a rowdy selfish child i want to be mad at the world cause i broke my toys.. 'too f-ckin bad' mom says. 'and im not buying you a new one either. deal.' and so i shall. just that these days theres really only so much dealing that can be done.
ive been taking suggestions.. 4 meetings/week.. letting people know im available as a sponsor.. journaling at night.. reading just 4 today in the morning.. and its going ok. just.. keep.. going. and apparently itll keep me sane.. or something like that they tell me. im sick. i know im sick.. at least im working on it. at least im willing to work on it.
...almost forgot.. ive got hair on me face! *stewie-griffin-callused-fingers-playing-banjo-style* ... ... and can only be so excited about it. ...damn.
Raymond
Monday, March 2, 2009
type it...
laying in bed not quite ready to go. probably because of the crazy nap i took this evening. ill still sleep soon...
yesterday was my 3 year anniversary. thats a lot of clean time.. for me anyway. i walked into.. ok.. i RAN into a meeting friday night. a speaker meetings.. and ended up telling my story. i hadnt done that in quite a while. it was good for me. needed even. made the stroke of midnight all the more sweeter as i reached the very day i went to my first AA meeting. i dont discriminate with fellowships, i mix them all in my daily life.. even though i try to respect them as separate since it seems so important to them all LoL. im not hard pressed.. i never had to put down the cocaine to have a drink.. i just did it all at once.. my recovery works in much the same way ;)
some very special people came to my celebration on saturday. events like that is how you know who has your back no matter what. no, thats not a blow to anyone that didnt come, just extra appreciation to the people who did. a guy thats like an uncle to me was there and hes not in the program. i just call him randomly and tell him about my special events and he shows up. i love it! i have dependable people in my life today. h-ll im still working on being dependable myself. LoL.. i know, i know.. im my own worst critic...
its Lent. ive never celebrated Lent before. its exciting and scary and all the emotions between. i have committment issues. not as far as my relationship is concerned per se. but as far as committing to other things.. i just end up half-ssing stuff at times.. or i just stop showing up. this will be 40 days of me NOT giving up. its like.. if i break Lent (fail - in my head) then what does that mean or what does that say about me .. and if i succeed what does that say mean going forward.. ? i know thats one of the points of Lent.. i guess its just .. lol.. ive never done it. thats all.
i dont think i elaborted on how wonderful my trip to NC was.. i dont think i have the words. i just know that when a person youve never met before can see and describe to you in detail what your annointing looks like.. then you better take some steps to live in it. this is what im trying to do. and in doing it i gotta bring ALL of me to the table. my authentic self. no leaving small parts of me outside in the rain.. or snow as it were.
Yes it snowed in Atlanta today, and it was lovely. Not sure what the school/work schedule will look like tomorrow.. but today we had fun playing in it.. Tee, D, and I.. along with a houseguest we have. We made snow queen.. aww geez.. ill edit this blog and post a pic as soon as i can. LoL.. its good stuff ;)
*edit* here's pictures of our snow queen! woohoo!
ok.. SLEEP.. its whats for dinner...
Raymond
yesterday was my 3 year anniversary. thats a lot of clean time.. for me anyway. i walked into.. ok.. i RAN into a meeting friday night. a speaker meetings.. and ended up telling my story. i hadnt done that in quite a while. it was good for me. needed even. made the stroke of midnight all the more sweeter as i reached the very day i went to my first AA meeting. i dont discriminate with fellowships, i mix them all in my daily life.. even though i try to respect them as separate since it seems so important to them all LoL. im not hard pressed.. i never had to put down the cocaine to have a drink.. i just did it all at once.. my recovery works in much the same way ;)
some very special people came to my celebration on saturday. events like that is how you know who has your back no matter what. no, thats not a blow to anyone that didnt come, just extra appreciation to the people who did. a guy thats like an uncle to me was there and hes not in the program. i just call him randomly and tell him about my special events and he shows up. i love it! i have dependable people in my life today. h-ll im still working on being dependable myself. LoL.. i know, i know.. im my own worst critic...
its Lent. ive never celebrated Lent before. its exciting and scary and all the emotions between. i have committment issues. not as far as my relationship is concerned per se. but as far as committing to other things.. i just end up half-ssing stuff at times.. or i just stop showing up. this will be 40 days of me NOT giving up. its like.. if i break Lent (fail - in my head) then what does that mean or what does that say about me .. and if i succeed what does that say mean going forward.. ? i know thats one of the points of Lent.. i guess its just .. lol.. ive never done it. thats all.
i dont think i elaborted on how wonderful my trip to NC was.. i dont think i have the words. i just know that when a person youve never met before can see and describe to you in detail what your annointing looks like.. then you better take some steps to live in it. this is what im trying to do. and in doing it i gotta bring ALL of me to the table. my authentic self. no leaving small parts of me outside in the rain.. or snow as it were.
Yes it snowed in Atlanta today, and it was lovely. Not sure what the school/work schedule will look like tomorrow.. but today we had fun playing in it.. Tee, D, and I.. along with a houseguest we have. We made snow queen.. aww geez.. ill edit this blog and post a pic as soon as i can. LoL.. its good stuff ;)
*edit* here's pictures of our snow queen! woohoo!
ok.. SLEEP.. its whats for dinner...
Raymond
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